


Back To You

by ClockworkIsWriting



Category: Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Angst, Bram breaks Simon's heart, Break Up, M/M, Song: Back to You (Selena Gomez), Songfic, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26066395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkIsWriting/pseuds/ClockworkIsWriting
Summary: Even though Simon transfers to New York, his relationship with Bram does not work out. At the end of College, two years after their nasty breakup, Simon finds himself still in love with his ex and starts to hopelessly pine again. But Bram has moved on. Bram has a boyfriend.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld & Simon Spier, Bram Greenfeld/Original Male Character(s), Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Comments: 11
Kudos: 14





	Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I am no native speaker, so I apologize for any mistakes

**May 2018**  
Simon Spier did know one thing for sure: He was very much in love with Abraham Greenfeld.

  
The effect Bram had on him was fascinating, and it still made his heart skip a beat, even after all this time together.  
The way he starts to smile just by seeing Bram, even from a distance.  
The way his mood brightens just by seeing his name on his phone screen.  
The way Simon felt loved and cared for, because Bram was so gentle, no matter what he did.

He loved everything about it.

But now he was scared. Scared that all of this might end. Their sophomore year was about to end, and Bram had made a friend a few months ago. A new member of his soccer team – Wyatt. Simon had met Wyatt a few times. He was short – even shorter than Simon – and very cute. With slightly tanned skin, soft-looking, curly brown hair, and big, blue-green eyes.

  
The eyes made Simon laugh a bit – Bluegreen was their story. A reminder of what they had been through together, three years ago.

Simon still remembered the email he had sent Leah a year ago.

  
_I want to have sex with Bram for seventy years. I want to change diapers. I don’t even want to think about taxes or health insurance, but if I have to, Leah, then yeah. I want that with Bram. He’s absolutely the person I want to spend my life with._

  
His opinion has never changed. He still wants all of this.

  
But does Bram?

  
Bram had been weird lately, and even though they live close to each other and could technically see each other every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes, Bram’s been distant. Every time Simon asks him about it, he just blames the number of exams that exhaust him, and at first, Simon believed him.

  
But that was about to change.

  
The thing about Wyatt that made Simon feel doubtful and antsy was how much time they seemed to spend with one another. Bram was a lot on his phone, and whenever Simon could sneak a peek it was always Wyatt. Their most recent fight was about Simon seeing Wyatt wearing Bram’s oversized sweater. And Simon saw them spending a lot of time together, even on days Bram claimed to be busy.

  
It’s a Friday evening, and Simon wants to surprise his boyfriend. He wears his Elliott Smith shirt, puts in his contact lenses, and even watched tutorials on how to do eyeliner. His hair is as messy as always, and when looking into the mirror, he feels cute. Hot, even. And confident. If Bram still wants him – which Simon hopes – he would react to this, right?

  
In front of his dorm room door, however, Simon comes to an abrupt stop. He hears voices.

  
“I don’t want to wait anymore, Bram. If you love me too, then why can’t we date?”.

Simon freezes. _Wyatt_.

  
He stays still and listens. Bram sighs heavily. He sounds torn

.  
“I know this is unfair to you, and Simon too. But I am serious about you. I just…I just need to find a way to tell him properly. He deserves the truth. He’s a good guy and was always kind and understanding. I want to let him know as gently as possible”.

  
Simon’s heart breaks, right then and there. Bram is in love with Wyatt? And he plans to break up with Simon for him? This information and the pain in his stomach is so pungent he feels dizzy.

  
“I just don’t want to make things official yet. Simon doesn’t deserve to be cheated on”, Bram continues, “I don’t love him anymore. As a friend, sure, but whenever he kisses me, it feels wrong. He’s not you”.

  
Simon swallows. Tears gather in his eyes, but he doesn’t blink them away. He doesn’t care about his eyeliner. Or his face. He wants Bram. But Bram doesn’t want him. He’s not even mad, just very hurt.

  
He takes a deep, shaky breath and knocks on the door. His body shakes and the tears are streaming down his pale cheeks.  
The door opens, and Bram’s eyes widen at the sight.

  
“Simon…I…”.

  
“D-don’t you h-have something t-to t-tell me, B-Bram?”, Simon asks, hating how much he stutters. He sounds like Bill Denbrough from IT.

  
For a few seconds, Bram just looks at him. He looks at him with so much pity and empathy that it makes the ache in his stomach worse.

  
“I heard you want to break up with me?”, Simon asks, “when did I stop being enough for you, Bram?”.

  
“Simon…”, Bram repeats, at a loss for words. He scratches the back of his head. “you are enough, Simon. But I…I fell in love with Wyatt. I’m sorry”.

  
Simon can’t do it. He feels like he’s about to pass out. The wind is getting knocked out of him. He has to go.

  
He forces himself to smile, which probably looks crooked and ugly. “Okay”, he sobs, forcing himself to a happy tone, “you are allowed to love…whoever you want, Abraham”. Bram’s beautiful brown eyes Simon still loves well up with a few tears when he hears Simon call him by his first name. Something he rarely ever did.

  
“Simon…”.

  
“No, it…it’s okay. Just know one thing. Jacques loves you. So much”, at that, thick tears start to flow down Bram’s caramel brown cheeks.

  
“Goodbye, Abraham. It was nice of you. I hope Wyatt can make you happy”.

He turns around and leaves.

  
___

**May 2020**  
It’s been two years since they broke up, and Simon feels a little bit better. His heart should be healed by now, and he keeps telling himself that, but seeing Bram and Wyatt in that café, laughing behind their masks and holding hands, he can’t help the memories that come back to him.

  
Their emails, the Tilt-a-Whirl, their first kiss.  
Sitting in the American Girl Store, hugging at prom, Bram surprising him on his 19th birthday. It was so nice.

Miles is a nice guy. Pretty, charming, and a great lover. He’s been dating him since junior year, and everything is fine. They plan to move in together after their graduation, want to stay in New York and their future seems to be stable together.

  
But Simon can’t forget Bram.

His first boyfriend, his first love. Always so nice to everyone, always so grammatical. His Blue. He lost his Blue.

  
Lying in his bed, Miles next to him, Simon can’t help it but think of Bram. He knows it’s wrong, knows Miles loves him. But he misses Bram. His soft skin, magical lips, and knobbly hands.  
And he knows, deep down, that if Bram wanted him back, he would go back. Back to him. To his hot, cute, and smart soccer star. To Blue. To his first love.  
He grabs his phone, careful not to wake Miles up, and opens Gmail. It’s been two years since he last used that email account.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he starts to type.

  
___

FROM: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com  
TO: bluegreen118@gmail.com  
DATE: May 15 at 11:47 PM  
SUBJECT: Us

Blue,

  
I know it’s stupid. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I know you’re still with Wyatt.  
But know that if you asked me out, I’d still go back to you. I know I'd go back to you.  
You broke my heart in two, but it healed and beats for you.

Love,  
Jacques

  
___

He tries to send it.

** This email address is no longer in use. **

And for the first time in a while, Simon cries.


End file.
